


why

by orphan_account



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Fluff, Other, Please don't read if you are easily triggered, Suicidal Themes, angsty fluff, gays being sad gays but being fluffy too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-28
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-06 13:56:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1860528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Komaeda lies in a hospital bed, trying not to cry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been feeling anxiety all month long, and it's been gnawing at me ever since. It's painful. I had an asthma attack yesterday and now I feel terribly sick. Again, if you are easily triggered, please step back.
> 
> Please also bear with us for the delay of Faith and Misfortune's updates. My wifey and I are both busy, and we're doing our best to update as soon as possible.
> 
> [ NOTE: This work is sectioned in the sefure verse. It is NOT a part of the fic's plot, and is merely an alternate setting scene. ]

Komaeda lies in a hospital bed, trying not to cry. 

Today, the nurses told him he'd be better then. The ugly blemish on his forearm (recently a fresh burn caused by a lit cigarette) was hidden by a generous swathe of white cloth. Komaeda had waited for hours to feel the weight in his chest taken away, but  _nothing_. It was still the same; falling asleep to the beep of his heart monitor, watching the clock tick. This was how his life ran on. 

Hinata hasn't visited him yet. Perhaps he was still at work. For the past days, Komaeda was only able to hang on with Hinata being by his side. Hinata was the only person who cared about him other than his parents. 

He darts his eyes to the window. The city breeze ruffles the drawn curtains lightly, barely hovering over the sill. Komaeda pictures the world outside; a sea of people living their everyday lives, filling the cobbled streets with window-shopping escapades and the occasional spark of music and art and flowers. The people outside, Komaeda realizes, were content with their lives, unlike him, who lived on the drops of IV on his bedside. They all fit into the circle and he couldn't. He would never found his place in the world. 

Komaeda wonders about himself. What is he doing here? Why is he still awake? Distantly, he thinks of Hinata. If he heard him say that out loud he'd probably pat him on the head and hug him, and maybe kiss his forehead.  _Everything will be alright_ , Komaeda imagines him say, softly, into his ear.  _I'll protect you. You'll be okay._ _  
_

That promise was empty now. He loved Hinata, that was certain, but Hinata couldn't save him. Nobody could save anyone from their memories. So here 19-year-old Komaeda sat, on the edge of his bed, an unauthorized syringe in hand. The label clearly said, in plain font: _Do not inject to a patient unless handled by an official and authorized nurse._

A quivery smile pulls at his lips. Stilling his left forearm, he clasps at the syringe carefully, and slowly directs the tip onto his skin. 

And just as the syringe enters his veins, the door opens for Hinata to catch Komaeda about to kill himself. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've seen some people ask for a follow-up so here it is!! constructive feedbacks are much appreciated as well, it helps me out a lot. thank you guys for the support! ;w;
> 
> NOTE: this work is sectioned in the sefure verse. it is NOT a part of the fic's plot, and is merely an alternate setting scene.

As soon as Hinata lays his eyes on the syringe, Komaeda backs off - he knows Hinata will try to rid of anything that he could use to cut or dose himself with, so he puts up a fight.

"No!" Komaeda wrestles out of Hinata's grip, shoving his hands off his shoulders. "Don't touch me!"

"Komaeda - calm down! It's me!" Hinata reaches for his face and cups them gently in his hands, his eyes hardened with a plea for recognition. "It's okay, alright? I'm here!"

"Shut up!" Komaeda isn't himself anymore. He musters all the sinew in his bones to push Hinata away, and shrivels him down into wretched little pieces. "You can't tell me if it's okay! You don't -  _no one - can't_ tell me how I feel!"  _  
_

"Please calm down," Hinata practically begs, letting his hands up as a sign of defeat. "I'm not here to tell you what to do. I'm not one of them, okay? I love you."

" _No_ ," Komaeda spits. The rage he's been smothering inside for years seethes in his bones, and he musters all of his anger to give Hinata his most hardened glare. "You don'tlove me. You only pity me. I don't need you!"  _  
_

He's expecting it - the regret clawing into his chest, Hinata's sad little facade cracking - but they both don't come. The emptiness he's felt in the past two days is still  _there_ , in that sunken part of his ribcage, and by this time Komaeda doesn't know how to react anymore. He's not a chemical, he could only reason. He can't be expected to be angry or sad.

Even as Hinata's tone quickly changes into rotten ire, his own anger doesn't fade. "Listen to me," he says, almost like a dictation. "I didn't spend three years trying to get clean for anyone else. It was only for you. I know you don't mean it, but I'd still stay here if you really don't need me."

It manages to tear out a big part of his anger, and Komaeda starts feeling half of the regret he's been expecting. It's a good sign, he thinks, but it doesn't take the numbness. But would it matter now, knowing he'd hurt Hinata?

"I..." He starts, but the words die on his lips. He really doesn't know what to say.

Hinata sighs, and tries to look anywhere but at Komaeda- or the syringe. He looks like he's on the verge of tears, or he's just feeling fucked up, or like he failed to do something important. Komaeda can't really tell.

"I'm sorry," Hinata says, choking back what he thinks a whimper. He looks at Komaeda again, and with raw, hardened eyes. "I should've stayed here with you."

This time, guilt comes along to swell in with regret, and Komaeda feels worse than before when Hinata leaves him alone - again.

-

_It's spring and late in the afternoon. Komaeda lies close to Hinata on his wrinkled bed, the April sun blockaded from the dust-mottled blinds. Outside, the noise of downtown music beautifully fills the air and paints the afternoon a mess of bleeding flowery colors. It's right before he leaves his home for the next three years._

_"Don't go," Hinata says. His voice is a murmur, and Komaeda can tell it's wobbly. "Please."_

_"I can't," he could only say. Komaeda remembers the guilt in his chest like a debt he couldn't pay. "I- I have to leave. I'm sorry."_

_Komaeda might've felt something die inside when he said those words - a whimper, a cracked facade, a shipwreck in his chest. But it's so hard to grasp at any hope when he knows he'll live by the next three years without Hinata, because there isn't and won't be anyone else. And the worst part is trying to cope when there is no way to cope. He can't waste his lungs for a packet of cigarettes, or his blood with a cutter._

_That would be so silly - thinking he's finally found a place in the world. But maybe he has - as silly as it did sound. A nobody like him found somebody, for once. So maybe the best part is that he wouldn't be waiting for nothing. It wouldn't be as bad as it is - despite how long they'd be apart, he'd find his home again. Hopefully._

_"I love you," Hinata whispers. "I'm going to find you one day again."_

_Despite the doubt in his chest, he looks up and gives Hinata a sweet, longing kiss, and doesn't say anything more than a nod._

-

It's not breakfast yet when Komaeda wakes up again, trickles of dew on his lashes. The nurses hasn't left any mental notes on his bedside, either - instead, he sees a bouquet of white roses next to a little sea animal plush. His face lights up almost instantly at the baby seal, and he sits up in bed to reach for it.

The sea animal has a yellow note underneath. It said, in familiar and neat handwriting:  _I don't want this to go on. Wait for me._

Komaeda keeps the plush close to him.

-

It's almost sundown when he feels a hand on his cheek. He wakes up to the unmistakable sweetness of Hinata's touch, and the guilt rushes back in like a bullet. He opens his eyes - slowly, and forces himself to meet Hinata's sad ones. 

"Good morning," Hinata says, almost without emotion. "Or good evening. Whichever you'd like."

Komaeda doesn't say anything, but reaches for Hinata's hand, clutching at it tightly. He hasn't felt like this since he left. 

"I'm sorry," he murmurs. He'd actually planned to say it a little later, in a more beautiful context like in a film, but he isn't the type to wait for cliches and perfect timings. "I didn't mean anything that I said. I - I love you." 

He doesn't know, but the tears are already there once Hinata pulls him close for a crushing hug. He finally sobs in Hinata's hold, horrid and broken and filthy - letting everything out since the past few days. He wants to say more - more of how he loves Hinata more than anything in the world, but his emotions get the best of him and only allows him to relish the warmth of Hinata's closeness.

Once he's calmed down, Hinata leans down and kisses him on the forehead. Komaeda can almost feel a smile twitch on Hinata's lips. "I love you too," he murmurs. The way he says it sadly and affectionately makes Komaeda's heart wrench in a sweet way. "Please don't try to do that again."

"I won't," he promises, because he knows it's one that he  _will_ keep. He looks up and gives him a kiss too, but on the lips. "I'll stay here with you instead." 

Hinata smiles fully this time, and squeezes his hand. "Then let's go home." 


End file.
